i couldn't help myself last night, i had an IM session with Mistress Cassie and asked for Her opinion on my "Mistress Cassie - carved on my brain" post: http://maiddianes.blogspot.com/2011/11/mistress-cassie-carved-on-my-brain.html
Well, She took a look and was pleased, but the session was short. She had a phone call from another sissy. But She singled out the penis gag. And as i entered day three of 'dry caging' the frenzy got to me. A little while after the IM session, i was trying to go to sleep, but i simply couldn't. i called Her, sorta hoping She was busy on the phone.
She was busy, but instructed me to call back in 5 minutes. That 5 minutes reminded me of a Tom Cruise moment in Risky business. He was at school, waiting for the clock to strike 3 so that he could go home and see what a risky visitor was up to. In the move the minute hand went backwards. perfect.
That was the longest 5 minute of my life. I needed to talk to Her. Well, the session was relatively short, about 30 minutes. But She got a lot done. She asked the same, usual question - what are you wearing diane?
The answer - pink panties, a pink bra & slip, perfume & pink lip gloss. And the cock cage. Why - because i had lost at the picture game again to Tatiana. And that meant more cage time.
Well, Mistress didn't want for me to break the rules of the game. i wasn't coming out of the cage during this session. She teased me, about Her boyfriend, the penis gag, the cage. i was being teased and tormented and was about to get more training.
Now, i have sessioned already in the cage with Mistress before, once or twice before. On those occiasions, She teased me trained me, let me out for a minute, masturbated me and locked me right back up. This was going to be different.
Now, She wanted to play a game. A cock cage & penis gag game.Like my own sill picture game, the odds were stacked against me. She was going to allow me out of the cage on either Friday (today) or Saturday, depending on how i fared at Her game of chance.
No matter what i was to strap on the penis gag for 25 minutes and suck. Then i could get out of the cage, cum on the gag and strap in on again (full of cum) for another 25 minutes. The only question was what day. She had a number in mind from 1-10. If i guessed it, i could carry out the assignment on Friday. If i lost, Saturday. Another day caged. i picked 3, the number was 4. Oops, you're a loser sissy. Wan5t another try at it? W/we can play again and take the numbers 3 & 4 out. my odds went from 1 in 10 to 1 in 8. Still bad odds, but i said yes.
i was caught in Her game, Her rules. Oh, by the way, you have to enter the sissy confessional to get this second chance. you have to confess a secret to Me sissy, to get another chance. Well, i was caught - again. i have heard of the dreaded sissy confessional, of course. But this was the first time i had heard the term from. Caged for over 2 days, already having been assigned to the penis gag for the first time......Well?!?!?!?
Well, i didn't have much to confess. i'm a good sissy gurl. i could only think of one thing and i was caught. It had to come out. i haven't shaved my legs pubic area, under arms or legs in a while. Quite a while. It was a another case of denial, of thinking there was some way out of Her trap.i was growing hair in the wrong places, and i've been posting caps and old photo's. There could be no new ones with hair. It was actually a relief to tell Her, because i knew i'd shave again soon. i blamed it on being busy.
But i was busted. This was a big sissy sin, and the sissy confessional was the proper place to - well, confess. It was an odd feeling really. i had let Her down. In a style & manner the only She can display, She simply said this:
"you have until Monday to correct this, or there will be dire consequences". i know something about Her dire consequences. Here are the two Mistress punishments from the early days of my training:
One - i had to write 500 times in pink ink "i have been a and sissy. i apologize to Mistress Cassie"
Two - i had to suck a cock (which i did, my one & only)
On both of these occasions, i was giving Her a hard time, i was resisting Her training. Let's just say i don't want Her dire consequences. i'll shave tomorrow. This is what happens when you are a Mistress Cassie trained sissy. Not being trained - TRAINED.
In one short phone session She did this:
1) Teased me and did not allow me out of my cage
2) Made me play Her game at horrible odds for me
3) Starting using the penis gag - Her way
4) Introduced me to the sissy confessional
The last one is huge. Because i'm trained W'we both now know that i can't hide anything from Her. It might be a year from now, next week or never. But, She can take me to the confessional whenever She wants. That was unexpected, and i can see the major implications clearly. Here's an illustration of what's happened as i see it:
But wait, there's one more:
5) After the penis gag assignment is over tomorrow, i cannot cage even though i'll be masturbating onto the gag.
Another huge first and that's how She left it. No caging after masturbation?????? Does this mean i'm free of that awful plastic prison?
Well, not quite. It didn't take but a few minutes after i hung up from the phone session. It didn't take long,
just a few minutes. While i was digesting what had happened during this whirlwind phone session, one big question popped into my mind.
So, i IM'd Mistress and asked. How long before i can put the cage on again? The answer - 24 hours. Forget about the time frame. After further reflection, here's what i did. i digested all of this new stuff, and being denied the cage concerned me. She had hung up without clarification.
So, i asked for clarification. By doing so, basically i was asking for the cage. i was really asking for the cage. Wow. Mistress has been using the cage from day one to get me under control, to train me to be Her sissy. Her approach has been - cum and cage. She rarely gives me much of a sentence. She gave me the opportunity to throw it away. She hasn't made or even let me use my my best lock. The lock that has only one key, one that resides with Her. No, and She never threatens me with extended cage time, or any cage time for that matter.
She has however, once in a while, threatened me with cage denial. Not denial of access to my cock and masturbation, but the cage itself. It's brilliant and i understand it now. i keep thinking it's Women like Tatiana who are caging me. Or, in more lucid moments i think - well, i'm caging myself for some sort of self gratification. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Those pictures of other Women are just a part of Her hierarchy, another word She threw at me last night. i'm trained and i'm not one of those sissies that needs Her constant attention. i just need Her. Between sessions, i can look at pictures like these all i want:
They are just place holders, part of Her hierarchy. Yes even Tatiana and Her mesmerizing yellow panties, with Her lover. Tatiana is this week's place holder for Mistress. A memorable place holder and a key piece of the puzzle, but still, just a picture. A snap shot of where my mind is now. my Mistress carved mind.
Yes, Mistress Cassie is too clever for me, and now that i get it, it's too late. i have two big weak spots, Women in general, and cross dressing. Mistress is ALL Woman for sure and She has thoroughly used (and uses) Her Feminine mystique to feminize me. The cross dressing has ballooned into a distaste for the other dressing, the male dressing. That's Mistress drilling deep and merging my weaknesses. Molding them to successfully be what She wants me to be. Her sissy.
Back to the cage. By simply training me to cum and cage 3 1/2 years ago, i became caged trained period. Early on, She could have said 'wear the cage for a month sissy". i probably would have put it on, latest a week, maybe, then forget it." She would have tried another tactic to control me, and probably would have prevailed. But She patiently nurtured my cage training until it stuck.
She regularly tells me that i like the cage. Believe me, i don't. i hate this fucking thing. It's unforgiving, uncomfortable and a plastic teaser. i have my panties and pretty lingerie on, but when i rub my panties while caged, i'm rubbing hard plastic & a lock.
What Mistress has done is amazing to me. Early this morning i asked for the cage. i was already missing it while it was still on. After i shave tomorrow and complete the gag assignment, i will have been caged for nearly 4 days. This without the benefit of masturbating first. Believe me when i say, i will be happy to be out of this thing.
But then i HAVE to stay away from it for 24 hours. Well, normally that wouldn't be a problem for me. i will be ready for a break. But now i'm already counting those 24 hours, and i asked for that timetable. i can just imagine Her now, checking it off Her list. sissy diane is 100% caged trained, because that silly sissy finally realized it. She can use the cage either way now. She can be equally effective by caging me or denying me the cage. It's all on Her terms. All of it.
It took 3 1/2 years for Her to totally cage train me. Totally cage trained does not mean that i will be caged forever, 24/7. That would actually give me a ray of hope. It's worse than that.
You see, it's not healthy, permanent caging. And there's never any cumming. Mistress drives home a lot of Her training while She's masturbating me. She relentlessly repeats Her message of the day as i climax. It's extremely effective. And, as harsh as She can be when necessary, She actually cares about Her sissies, she wants them healthy. She wants diane to be healthy, a fit, healthy sissy gurl diane.
Time stands still for Mistress Cassie. She doesn't care how long any one element of my training takes to fall into place. Now that i'm Her trained sissy i can look in the mirror and basically see a sissy, a trained sissy. A sissy that never knows what's coming next. Mistress doesn't even know, and She doesn't worry about it. What comes next is whatever She's in the mood for, and i'm just along for the ride.
It's all about Mistress, and i need to calmly accept that fact. i need to stop worrying about something that i can't control. i need to stop torturing myself and admit that there really is no escape. The years of fantasizing about being dominated by a Woman has led me to reality. No longer is my feminization a fantasy, it's a reality. Mistress will let me play my picture game all i want. Because while i'm playing, i'm actually sinking further into a trap i'll never escape.
I know this is a long winded post, not like me. But i need some peace in my life. Now i have it. Mistress also said last night "it's not so bad, is it?' This in realization that finally i get it, She has won. The war is over. i accept it and i need to calm down and relax as diane. Mistress has demonstrated, beyond any argument, that She is in control. It's real, i'm trained and feminized with more to come. "i belong to Mistress Cassie". It's embroidered on my panties, and carved on my mind.
And you know what? It's no so bad being diane.................
More 'reality of me' pictures coming this weekend. The new reality.
sissy maid diane